I read a friendship quote the other day that said: "Think to thank" and I thought seriously about the relationship I just "escaped". I thought my friend was a journalist, when, in all actuality, he is a politician... and like politicians, he does not know the meaning of truth.
Friendship is the most important thing, next to family, in my world, and I know that to have a friend, you have to be a friend. Anyone who knows me knows that they can count on me, always. I don't talk friendship... I LIVE friendship.
The one thing that people in a relationship should always be is friends, and although I couldn't see it three years ago when one of my friends and my sister/cousin told me that the man I was dating was too arrogant and self-centered for me (they said, because I have a "giving heart" and he was taking advantage of it), he was not my friend. He was always bringing up the fact that he did thoughtful things for his friends... and he did do those things... but he never did anything thoughtful for me. That should have told me something, right? Of course I didn't listen... and I was even thinking about getting married, but my last trip to see him made me reconsider. I mean, what kind of person takes you to the lake and then tells you that you can get out and go walk along the shore, but he's going to stay in the car? Before that, he at least made attempts, although feeble, to entertain me on my visits, but that time, it was almost like I wasn't there. I never went again!
Unfortunately, I didn't give up on him either. He was my FRIEND, and I never let a friend down. I kept trying to be a friend, kept being a friend. When he whined about his family never encouraging him, I listened and was always encouraging. When he spoke about his dreams and aspirations, I listened and responded with positive suggestions. The only thing I regret is that, when he whined, and sometimes even cried, on the phone about how the world was not treating him right, I made arrangements, sometimes very expensive arrangements, to go to him, thinking I could help. I was his friend. It never once dawned on me that he was not MY friend. He never thanked me for coming to his aid, and he never made any attempt to aid me. He kept saying he loved me, and I've never loved anyone who was not my friend, so I thought he couldn't either. I was so naive and SOOO wrong!!
If I could give advice to anyone, it would be: If you must love anyone, love a friend. A friend will NEVER let you down.
I will keep being a friend until I find a friend who is worthy of my friendship.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Everybody lies?
When did we become a nation of liars? Whatever happened to the ethical code we were brought up to live by... that we would not lie, cheat, or steal?
I have been discussing values and ethics with the classes I teach at a community college and a technical college, and it is the consensus of the under twenty-one members of those groups that everybody lies (cheats and steals, too)! I thought that perhaps the younger students would be upset that they are not trusted, but they seem to believe that it is justified. The older students in those classes are incensed... but they are forced into the "untrusted" category of their peers, since they have only recently returned to academia to better themselves.
I think it is appalling that there must be rules and laws in place that prohibit students from doing things we were allowed to do... like complete take-home tests... because there is no trust in the fact that they won't cheat. They admit that, if given the chance, they will cheat if it means they'll get better grades.
What are we teaching young people? They readily call my attention to the fact that lying is an acceptable norm, especially with politicians, and even with their own parents. It makes me sad to think that these kids believe that all people lie and that it's okay to lie!
It is my hope that we, "baby-boomers" and beyond, stop lying to and in front of these kids... but perhaps we first need to stop lying to ourselves. Let's admit that we went wrong somewhere, and go back to our original teachings... not just because "the Bible tells us so", but also because we know what is good and what is right.
Peace.
I have been discussing values and ethics with the classes I teach at a community college and a technical college, and it is the consensus of the under twenty-one members of those groups that everybody lies (cheats and steals, too)! I thought that perhaps the younger students would be upset that they are not trusted, but they seem to believe that it is justified. The older students in those classes are incensed... but they are forced into the "untrusted" category of their peers, since they have only recently returned to academia to better themselves.
I think it is appalling that there must be rules and laws in place that prohibit students from doing things we were allowed to do... like complete take-home tests... because there is no trust in the fact that they won't cheat. They admit that, if given the chance, they will cheat if it means they'll get better grades.
What are we teaching young people? They readily call my attention to the fact that lying is an acceptable norm, especially with politicians, and even with their own parents. It makes me sad to think that these kids believe that all people lie and that it's okay to lie!
It is my hope that we, "baby-boomers" and beyond, stop lying to and in front of these kids... but perhaps we first need to stop lying to ourselves. Let's admit that we went wrong somewhere, and go back to our original teachings... not just because "the Bible tells us so", but also because we know what is good and what is right.
Peace.
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